


ghostin

by ring_my_bell



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bittersweet Ending, But not really fix it, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 14:06:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18624778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ring_my_bell/pseuds/ring_my_bell
Summary: 5 years had been past since the avengers 'defeated' ThanosYeah talk about understatement. Thanos was dead but nothing changed. But Tony agreed to help, to explore this crazy time travel Scott suggested. But, seeing Tony again, after so long, working with him and having his trust again, it crippled Steve, he longed for his ex-lover, he never was able to forget his feelings towards Tony, but after some time... it stopped hurting. A bit at least. But he had to focus on the mission, on saving everyone that had been gone post-snap.





	ghostin

**Author's Note:**

> Quick thing i scribbled because endgame hurt me too much... I actually dreamt most of these exchanges haha... talk about obsession with MCU!   
> please enjoy

Steve was barely being able to sleep well these past few weeks, he and the others had been working non-stop to make this time travel work, as incredulous as it sounded, it was the only hope for everyone, for the world. For him. He looked at the ceiling, muffling a chuckle, how ironic it was that he led a group therapy session about moving on and letting go when he never let go of anything himself. Never let go of Peggy, never let go of Bucky.... Never let go of  _ Tony _

 

These thoughts they kept creeping up his mind. The image of Bucky turning to dust in front of him, his voice sounding so fragile. Steve was broken, he lost Bucky too many times, to fucking many. But at least working on this project now, he had a purpose again. A reason to wake up, at least to let his mind off his demons and melancholy.

 

Tony had noticed how Steve looked exhausted, he was worried for the blonde, it was instinct for him to worry for him. They’ve spent a lot of time together, as a couple. But that’s been long gone.

 

“Hey there big guy, you doing fine?” Tony greeted Steve while he spaced out.

 

Steve blinked, shook off from his daydreams “Oh, hi Tony. Yeah I’m ok.”

 

“Liar” Tony said. “But can’t expect America’s dream boy to be a good liar can I?” He leaned on the table and looked at the other man. Steve chuckled.

 

“Guess not.” He scratched his neck. “Just… been having trouble sleeping.”

 

“Thought so” Tony handed the blonde a mug. “Here, brought you some. Not gonna solve it but, eh, we need the energy don’t we?” 

 

Steve took it and took a sip of it. It had a touch of honey in it. Even now Tony never forgot about Steve, even in such mundane things as how he enjoyed his coffee. “You remembered.”

 

Tony hid his face, his ears were tinted pink. “Yeah.” He adjusted his glasses. “I know you hate it black. But sugar just doesn’t cut it for you. You like things as sweet as you.”

 

Steve smiled, sadly but smiled. Even after so many horrible things, Tony has the energy to be flirty, to crack jokes and to be annoying. But Steve needed that. It grounded him.

 

“I’m sorry. For everything.” he said, while enjoying his hot beverage.

 

“Don’t apologize. We all made mistakes. There is no point in sulking on what we did.” Tony said, with obvious regret in his voice. “We have a chance, to fix everything for good. Let’s… not take it for granted.” He looked at Steve.

 

“I… missed you.” Steve said while he got up from his chair, trying to avoid eye contact.

Tony a bit startled from that statement. But smiled. “Missed you too, big guy.”

 

Steve got closer to Tony, looked at him straight in the eyes. His emotions were all such a goddamn mess right now. He tried as he might, he couldn’t  _ ever _ let go of his strong connection with Tony, he didn’t know if Tony was like this too. He hoped so, but he doubted it.

 

“I… love you so much.” Steve blurted it. His eyes were watery. He was tired, he didn’t understand all of this, his surge of emotions, why the tears, he felt weak. 

 

Tony went a little stiff from that phrase. But he saw Steve, how vulnerable he was looking. He saw a tired man, a man who was clinging into the last millimeter of hope, a man who could break at any second if they failed. Steve went through so much, Tony did too but he didn’t think he could ever compare his suffering to his ex’s.

 

“Steve I…” Tony breathed in, he placed his hands in the bigger man’s shoulders. “Thanks.” he smiled as he tried to find words to answer Steve, that wouldn’t hurt him more than he was. “I really am grateful, for our time together. You were amazing to me and I took it for granted, I should have been more grateful for it, for waking up everyday with such an amazing and gentle man, that’d do anything not only for me, but for anyone that he cares.” Tony caressed his cheek. “But, it’s in the past now.” Tony looked down briefly before continuing. “I have a wonderful wife now and a beautiful daughter I care so much for. I was able to move on, to let go. You should too Steve.” He finished it with a smile.

 

Steve took Tony’s hand that was on his cheek on his own. Squeezing it a bit. “Yeah, you’re absolutely right. I shouldn’t have said that.” He was trembling a little. Tony could feel it.

 

Tony leaned in closer, kissing Steve gently and slowly. Steve was startled by it, but didn’t fight off. He held Tony’s face. He missed this, how they just felt like… they matched each other, as puzzle pieces. But he knew ultimately this was all just Steve’s delusions, Tony moved on and had a wonderful family as he said himself. But why was he kissing him then?

 

After Tony broke apart, he rested his forehead on Steve’s chest. Breathing slowly. They stayed on their embrace for a while. Until Tony decided to speak.

 

“Ah… I shouldn’t have done that.” Tony ironically laughed. Then he looked at Steve. He looked lost, maybe sadder. “Consider that one last kiss. A thank you kiss… for all you did for me.” He wiped Steve’s tears with his thumb. “But, it’s done. Please move on. You deserve so much more than to being crippled by the past. We’re going to fix everything. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find yourself after all this mess.”

 

Steve exhaled. He was right. Hurting for Tony would do him no good. All he could do was appreciate all they went through together, all the good things, all the hardships… Tony changed Steve in unimaginable ways. He nodded to Tony, not really having the strength to really say anything.

 

“Well, let’s get back to work now, ok?” Tony smiled and tapped his shoulders. “Still got long ways ahead.”

 

\------

  
  


What came next, Steve wished was a nightmare, his worst one possible, that he could wake up from it and forget about it after a while.

 

But no. 

 

It was real.

 

Tony snapped his fingers and Thanos’ army and himself turned to dust. Great, they won.

 

But it was too much for Tony.

 

Steve was horrified.

 

He saw Tony’s body, barely living. The stones were too much for him. The image was too haunting. He saw lying on the ground the man he loved so much, they were able to fix it? Yeah… but Steve lost something in return. He universe loved to mock him, he lost Peggy, Bucky (a lot of times), Natasha and now… He saw Tony, almost dying. He couldn’t take it. He broke into tears as he hugged Tony, who had almost no energy left and would now die any second. He cried, screamed. He was sick of losing everything he loved. He couldn’t lose Tony again. Thor and Bruce took him off Tony, as Pepper and Peter tried to say their goodbyes too, but not after long. Tony was gone. 

 

Dead.

 

Steve wished it was him instead.

  
  


\-----

  
  


Tony’s funeral was happening. Steve wasn’t able to keep his tears at all. As he saw Tony’s first arc reactor float in the water surrounded by flowers.

 

Everyone was back, Bucky and Sam were back. Now they had more little things to do, such as return the infinity stones to their timelines. Then it would be done. But it wasn’t without loss.

 

Bucky tried as hard as he could to support Steve. After the funeral was over, Bucky invited Steve to eat, so they could talk about what transpired all these 5 years. Steve wanted no chatting, he wanted to sulk forever and never wake up. But… Bucky was here. He worked so hard for him too and he is finally back, at least something in his life is right. Bucky. Bucky has always been there, he never gave up on Steve and Steve never gave up on him. He was all that he had left.

 

Bucky didn’t know what to talk about, after Steve finished telling about their fight and what he did in 5 years after Thanos snapped his fingers. He went quiet. But he knew his best friend too well, if they didn’t talk, Steve would withdraw in his shell and suffer alone.

 

“I know how much he meant for you.” Bucky said. Steve nodded. “I’ll be here for you, always. You know that right? You never gave up on me, man. I can’t give up on you.” He sighed. “It’s going to be hard but… I know everything is going to be fine.” Steve looked at Bucky. He had the most somber look Bucky ever saw on Steve. But he managed to smile. Steve took one of Bucky’s hands and held it. Bucky in instinct intertwined their fingers.

 

“Thanks.” He was tired. The bar had one or two customers besides them, it was late. Steve should stop drinking so much. He was already a bit tipsy. 

 

They got up and were leaving the bar. Steve needed to sleep. “Buck…” the long haired man looked at him. “Can you… sleep in my place with me? Please. I can’t be alone right now.” Steve said, looking the most vulnerable Bucky ever saw him get. 

 

“Of course, anything for you Stevie.” He smiled. Steve hugged him, it startled Bucky. Steve sank his face on his old friend’s shoulder. Bucky could feel a dampness in his shoulder. He stroked Steve’s hair. “Easy there… shhh…” 

 

Steve started talking, his voice was breaking and it hurted Bucky so much to see his friend like this. But he knew there was nothing he could do. “Please Buck… Never leave me… I can’t take losing anyone else.” Steve said while hugging the other man tighter. 

 

“I’d never do that Steve. I’ll be here for you. Forever.” they stayed there for a while, until Steve was able to break their embrace. After it, Bucky smiled at his friend. “Everything will be alright. Let’s get home.”

  
  


\-----

  
  


As Bruce had explained, Steve would need to deliver all the infinity stones back to their original timelines. For them it would take five seconds, for him it took a long time. But eventually he did it.

 

He knew he shouldn’t. But he made a stop somewhere, before returning.

 

He was in front of Peggy’s house. Right on the time they promised to meet for that dance. He could just… ignore all of it. Stay here. Never go back to the future and finally have his happy ending with Peggy.

 

But he remembered what he and Tony talked about, while they worked.

 

_ Please move on, you deserve so much more than to be crippled by the past. _

 

He was right. It wouldn’t be right for all he built in the future, for the avengers, for Tony. For Bucky. 

 

He was reminded how many times he lost Bucky. How Bucky was alone for so long, being just a puppet. He couldn’t make him go through the same pain of loss the went through, Bucky meant too much for him. 

 

He took a last long good look at Peggy’s house. It was time to move on for real. Then in a flash he made a quantum jump and was back in the future.

 

\-----

  
  


Then Steve was back. Bruce was relieved that it worked. Sam and Bucky too.

 

The first thing he did was just hug Bucky. Out of nowhere. He just followed his impulse.

 

“W-Whoa there, calm down! It’s been five seconds.” Bucky said while his super soldier friend hugged him tight. He loved Steve’s hugs.

 

“For you… for me it’s been far too long away from you.” Steve looked in Bucky’s eyes. Bucky’s cheeks turned pink, Steve’s stare was getting to him.

 

“P-Please… I doubt it was that long!” He stuttered. 

 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Get a room, grandpas. C’mon Bruce, let’s leave them alone a bit.” Bruce nodded.

 

Steve and Bucky then made their way to a bench close by. They sat there. Quietly at first but soon they broke off their silence.

 

“Buck… I know it’s been just a couple of days but…” Steve didn’t know really what to say. God he felt like a teenager again. “I think I might… really really really like you.” He scratched his neck.

 

Bucky sighed. God this isn’t happening, this MUST be a dream. “What made you think that?” 

 

“It’s just, we’ve always been together, always did everything for each other. You never gave up on me and I never did on you too. I don’t know… it just feels right y’know?” He said smiling shyly. 

 

Bucky looked down to the leaves on the ground. He loved the orange colors from autumn. “Guess that’s true.”

 

Steve looked around nervously. “So?”

 

“I’m glad that you’re so… oblivious to these things.” Bucky said smiling at Steve. “I’ve liked you for the longest time. But I knew it wasn’t my place to my feelings before yours. Hell I didn’t even know you were into guys back then y’know there’s that too… But I saw you were happy with Peggy and I would never dare to get between you two.” Steve took Bucky’s hand. “Steve, your happiness to me was always the most important. I didn’t mind it was unrequited. Sure yeah, it might have hurted a little” a lot. It hurted a lot but Bucky would never admit it. “But with time I guess I just… never said anything, thought I had moved on. But haha… I guess time traveling grandpas have an issue with letting go of the past.”

 

Steve laughed. “You’re right.” Steve leaned closer. He tucked part of Bucky’s hair behind his ear. 

 

It’s happening, Bucky can’t believe it. His face is burning, he feels 16 all over again. “Stevie… I’ve dreamt about this so many times. It makes me embarrassed.” 

 

Steve chuckled. “Guess I’m making someone’s dream come true today.” Then Steve leaned in, kissing Bucky. His best friend, his companion. He wants to be with him for the rest of his days.

 

After they broke apart Bucky was still in disbelief. Both of them laughed as they touched foreheads.  “So what now?” Bucky said

 

“I don’t know.” Steve thought. “Can we go on a date? Like a movie? I really need to feel normal, for a bit, avenger-stuff is tiring.”

 

Bucky laughed. “Sure, Stevie. I’d be glad to.”

 

They left their site, with joined hands. Steve was still shaken up with loss and mourning but, he looked to his side and saw at least one thing he didn’t lose. Bucky. His last link to his past, the only person that didn’t make him feel so alien and weird. 

 

And he would make sure it would stay that way.

 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments always welcome!
> 
> i hope i didn't shatter anyone's feelings....


End file.
